My first love.

This is a story about the first year of my relationship with the girl I love.

I suppose it starts back in July 2017. She was dating my best friend at the time, they were in a relationship for a few weeks and it ended on bad terms. While they were dating I had only seen her one time, I didn't really say much to her as I am a very shy and socially awkward person. I think I managed to get a few hellos out but nothing more than that.

The next time I met her was on the 31st of October. To be honest I don't really remember that night much since I was black out drunk for the majority of it. By that time things seemed to be ok between her and my friend and that's how I started talking to her more.

In late November we were all talking in group chats, online I am a lot less awkward and am able to talk to other people, so this was a great way for me to start talking to her.

As I started to become more friendly with her I started to realise that she's not how my best friend made her out to be at all.

We started to hang out more, and the more time I spent with her the closer I felt to her. There are quite a few people in our friends group, I couldn't quite explain why. But I felt like I had some sort of bond with her, like I could connect with her in a way that I couldn't with the other people. Usually I hate it when people hug me, but when she did it always felt warm and comforting.

Where our relationship progressed was on new years eve, I had one of my depressive episodes and ended up leaving all of the group chats I was in. At the time I just felt really lonely, as if I'm destined to never be happy.

She ended up private messaging me, asking what was wrong and why I was feeling like that. There's only a few people that know how much of a shit show my childhood was, I felt comfortable with talking about it with her. And she seemed to have the perfect response to everything. After a while I felt a little better about myself and I will never forget some of the things that she said to me that night.

January..

We hung out once a week, usually in a group of 7 people. At this point I considered her a very close friend of mine, and without wanting to sound like a white knight SJW. I felt like I wanted to look out for her as much as possible. In that group were a few guys, really creepy. And how they treated her made me feel upset and angry, I wasn't too sure why I felt so strongly towards her. I was convinced that I can't like her due to her being my best friends ex.

Seeing the way these guys were with her lead to me drinking rather heavily, mainly because I felt like there was nothing I could do. Subconsciously I think I knew that I liked her then. And the fact I couldn't say anything or do anything about it really got to me, it started to bring back my depression. I don't usually get angry, and I never used to self harm. But the only thing I could think of doing was punching myself instead. Usually until my hand was really bruised or until my face was bleeding. ( yes I am aware of how retarded I sound right now)

I was In a very bad state mentally. I ended up telling her what was making me feel like that, and she thanked me for it. As it made her feel uncomfortable too.

This is towards the start of February 2018 now. My friend asked me if I like her, to which I replied with, I don't know. I feel as if I can't because you used to date, and if I did it would be a betrayal of our friendship. He was surprisingly good about it and didn't seem to mind. In fact he told me to go for it,

We're in February now and I had decided that I was going to tell her that I liked her. I have never been in a relationship with someone at this point. Never even held another girls hand, let alone kissed one. Saying I was shitting it would be an understatement. I thought to myself how could she ever see me like that, how could she ever want to date an ugly 6'7" fat (in my opinion) autistic, depressed, long haired person with extreme social anxieties.

She is around 5'6". Compared to me she's a genius, slim, and is still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, every time I talk to her. All of my troubles just seemed to dissappear, and I can just be myself, and happy for a change.

I put quite a lot of thought into how I was going to tell her. I was going to do it the day before valentines. Outside of the pub we usually go to, I wasn't drinking that night as I wanted her to take it seriously.

I had quite a few opportunities to tell her that night. I ended up getting too nervous and I couldn't do it. I really did want to do it in person. But I ended up telling her how I felt online, I don't think she knew how to take it. She said that it was a lot to take in and that she'd need a while to think about it.

It took four really long and nerve wrecking days. But we agreed to meet up by ourselves and talk about it. Something we had never done at that point. That day I was really anxious, having stomach pains. Couldn't stop shaking, I wasn't sure if I should go. I knew that I couldn't do that to her and went, it was quite muddy that day. We met at the train station in the town we usually hang out in. I couldn't start a conversation for shit, thankfully she did most of the talking that day. It was the first time I had ever spent time with another girl by myself (I was 21)

We walked up a hill and sat at the top of it on a bench. It was really muddy that day, she decided that because of how her last relationship ended. She didn't want to rush into anything and she wanted to see how it would go before we decided on starting a relationship. We spent time together every other day. And slowly I became more comfortable with talking to her in person. Within a week I was able to start conversations and cary them on.

I was still really nervous though, and wasn't sure on what was acceptable. To the point where I asked her if it was OK if I held her hand.

On the third of March it was snowing. We met up, and at this point I really wanted to know if she could see up being in a relationship. So I asked her. And she said yes. I will never forget that day. As a first date kind of thing we decided to watch Black Panther. I didn't reallt like it, but i did get salsa on my arse due to the person previously sitting in my seat.

We still wanted to take it slowly, and we did. It took a few weeks for me to be comfortable with kissing her. The first time I kissed her was up on the hill. The one we usually go to to talk about things. That's also something I will never forget, my first kiss.

It's nearly been a year now, and without you I'd still be the introvert kiss - less virgin that I was. And I've loved every single moment of it.

We've been sleeping together in this bed every night for about 6 months now. And while you're in hospital it really does feel empty and lonely without you.

So Kate, if you ever come across this post. I love you, and I can't wait to spend many more years with you.

A lot more happened. But I realise this is getting really really long. So to those of you that read through all of this, well done. And sorry for typos or bad grammar. It's nearly 4am.

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COVID-19 AND 5G NETWORKS: A REPROACH TO THE CONSPIRACY THEORY BY: BRENDAN AMADI

INTRODUCTORY REMARK

Coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) is an infectious disease caused by severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2). The disease was first identified in December 2019 in Wuhan, the capital of China's Hubei province, and has since spread globally, resulting in the ongoing 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic. Common symptoms include fever, cough and shortness of breath. Other symptoms may include fatigue, muscle pain, diarrhea, sore throat, loss of smell and abdominal pain. While the majority of cases result in mild symptoms, some progress to viral pneumonia and multi-organ failure. As of 6 April 2020, more than 1,280,000 cases of have been reported in more than 200 countries and territories, resulting in more than 70,500 deaths. More than 270,000 people have recovered.

THE 5G NETWORK

5G is a new kind of network: a platform for innovations that will not only enhances today’s mobile broadband services, but will also expand mobile networks to support a vast diversity of devices and services and connect new industries with improved performance, efficiency, and cost. 5G will redefine a broad range of industries with connected services from retail to education, transportation to entertainment, and everything in between. We see 5G as technology as transformative as the automobile and electricity.

 In general, 5G use cases can be broadly categorized into three main types of connected services:

• Enhanced Mobile Broadband: 5G will not only make our smartphones better, but it will also usher in new immersive experiences, such as VR and AR, with faster, more uniform data rates, lower latency, and cost-per-bit.
• Mission-Critical communications: 5G will enable new services that can transform industries with ultra-reliable/available, low latency links—such as remote control of critical infrastructure, vehicles, and medical procedures.
• Massive Internet of Things: 5G will seamlessly connect a massive number of embedded sensors in virtually everything through the ability to scale down in data rates, power and mobility to provide extremely lean/low-cost solutions.

 THE NEED FOR 5G NETWORK AND ITS RELEVANCE

The spectrum used for mobile communications is becoming congested. Current networks cannot always meet consumer demands for data. During periods of heavy use, consumers may experience slow speeds, unstable connections, delays, or loss of service. The effects can range from annoyances like a streaming movie freezing to life-threatening transmission delays between first responders in an emergency.

The demand for data will continue to grow as the number of devices connected to the internet grows. The number of smartphone users in the United States has increased from nearly 63 million in 2010 to an estimated 238 million in 2018. In 2018 there were 17.8 billion connected devices globally, 7 billion of which were connected devices such as smart home equipment. By 2025 the total number of connected devices is projected to exceed 34 billion.

Industries and consumers will rely on 5G networks to power the devices and transmit the data that drive their daily activities. They will need networks that can provide constant connections, minimal lag times, increased bandwidth to access and share data, and the ability to quickly compile and compute data.

In the health care sector, 5G could enable services such as remote patient monitoring, consultation, and even remote surgery. In transportation, 5G will be the backbone that autonomous vehicles rely on. A 2017 study from Deloitte estimated, “self-driving cars enabled by wireless connectivity could reduce emissions by 40-90%, travel times by nearly 40% and delays by 20%.” Before every pandemic of the last 150 years, there was a quantum leap in the electrification of the Earth.

THE CONSPIRACY THEORY

While a conspiracy theory might be taken to mean any explanation of an event or situation involving a conspiracy, in popular usage (as opposed to technical legal usage) the term carries the pejorative connotation that the appeal to a conspiracy is implausible and based on prejudice or insufficient evidence. Conspiracy theories resist falsification and are reinforced by circular reasoning: both evidence against the conspiracy and an absence of evidence for it are re-interpreted as evidence of its truth, whereby the conspiracy becomes a matter of faith rather than something that can be proved or disproved.

Research suggests that conspiracist ideation belief in conspiracy theories can be psychologically harmful or pathological and that it is highly correlated with psychological projection, paranoia and Machiavellianism.

In the thesis statement of a YouTube video with the innocuous title “Dr. Thomas Cowan, M.D. Discusses the Coronavirus.” The 10-minute video features a man lecturing in front of a whiteboard. It looks like any other low-budget conference video, but that thesis—that pandemics are linked to the “electrification” of the Earth—got certain people’s attention. The video, which was posted March 18, has now been watched more than 660,000 times and has inspired a rather curious, rather dangerous conspiracy theory that the New 5G mobile networks are causing the spread of COVID-19.

5G mobile networks promise faster transmission speeds and lower latency. They’ve been the centrepiece of commercials from various mobile carriers, and they have become a battleground for technological dominance between the United States and China. In 2019, the Trump administration announced their plan for “winning the race” for 5G, and tech sources bemoaned that the United States had fallen behind China in 5G development. Some of the first 5G networks were activated in 2019, and that newness is how 5G somehow got linked to COVID-19 in some people’s minds. But while the circumstances of this specific conspiracy are unique, the links between mobile networks and disease are a prime example of how history repeats itself. Almost every new wireless infrastructure gets linked to disease in one form or another.

A REPROACH TO THE CONSPIRACY THEORY

I disagree on the claims that there is a link between the 5G network, Coronavirus and anti-Christ.

For the past few days, popular pastors and politicians have found a way to link the 5G network with spiritual things and Coronavirus epidemic.

Recall that Oyakhilome told his members in a sermon that the 5G was part of the new world order where some figures of authority in the world were trying to build a religion, economy and government for the entire universe.

Quoting Revelation Chapter 13, he said there is no need for a vaccine, adding that these are part of the Antichrist’s plan for a new world order.

However, Ashimolowo countered Oyakilome’s statement, explaining that there was no correlation between 5G and end-time signs.

He warned Christians not to join Christian leaders in promoting conspiracy theories.

According to him, all those claims were conspiracy theories that had nothing to do with the anti-Christ.

He maintained that COVID-19 was a pandemic and must be dealt with as such.

“If coronavirus is caused by 5G, why is it in his village that does not have a 5G?

“It has always been the nature of Christian leaders to plant fear in their members whenever there was going to be a major world occurrence.

The church should be more concerned about preparing their members for the Second Coming of the Lord instead of condemning a major technological breakthrough.

It’s fake news to associate 5G to coronavirus.

COVID-19 AND ISOLATION: Leprosy as a case study

Leprosy was the scourge of the ancient world. Nothing evoked more fear, more dread, or more revulsion than the sight of these walking dead. That is what a leper was called, a walking dead man. The smell of his decaying flesh would announce his coming long before the tattered scraps of his clothing would be seen, or his raspy "Unclean! Unclean!" announcement he was required to declare, could be heard. The stumbling shuffle of toeless feet, the wandering of sightless eyes and the moan of a cheek less mouth, all pointed to Leprosy, this unseen attacker that slowly destroyed human bodies, and made the individual an untouchable to society.

Leprosy is a vivid and graphic physical picture of the spiritual defilement of sin. Sin is ugly, loathsome, incurable, and contaminating; it separates men from God and makes them outcasts. The instructions given to the priests in Leviticus 13 help us understand the nature of sin: Sin is inside us, deeper than the skin (Leviticus 13:3); sin also spreads (Leviticus 13:8); sin always defiles.

EVALUATION AND CONCLUTION

I urge each and every one of us to discard this concept and idea of always reconciling societal issues, necessary human conditions and experience with Religion. The Christianity we practice today should display an exemplary with the teachings of Christ and religious leaders should focus on the preparation of their members to embrace the second coming of our Lord Christ rather than promoting fake propaganda.

I keep on asking the world this question; The Christianity we practice today is it the same Christianity that the followers of Christ practiced and they were called Christ-like people in Antioch of Pisidia? Why do we always link everything to religion! Few years back Ebola was a pandemic disease that faced some part of the world, Africa precisely but through God’s intervention it came to pass. During the time of Christ, Leprosy disease was also a threat to humanity but when the untouchable is touched by Jesus (cf. Leviticus 13:42), "Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured." ‘‘They were tempted to put their security in their own possessions and in their political alliances with other nations rather than in God. Hosea called his people to return to God to receive pardon, healing, and restoration. God does not abandon us; God goes with us, even now in this time of trial and testing. In this moment, it is important for us to anchor our hearts in the hope that we have in Jesus Christ and reconcile with God seeking for forgiveness of sins. Now is the time to intensify our prayers and sacrifices for the love of God and the love of our neighbour.

 

Contact  Brendan Amadi

I WAS ASHAMED OF MY WORLD VIEWS By: Brendan Amadi

In one of his typically enigmatic phrases, Jean-Paul Sartre says that a paradoxical feature of human existence is that “I-am-what-I-am-not and I-am-not-what-I-am.”

This paradox of human existence is even more apt when Africa, rife with socio-political and economic crises, is brought into direct focus.

Making such a remark about Africa may seem pejorative or disparaging.

 

But, when one recalls that Africa is a paradox to both Africans and non-Africans, then one will stand better to appreciate what informs this argument.

In brief, the paradox is that a continent so blessed with many natural and human resources remains the poorest and most unstable among other continents in the world.

Many people have either spoken or written on this subject matter.

Dwelling on this appalling situation, F.O.C. Njoku sorrowfully cried out in one of his poems:

…O mother Africa pushed to the precipice!

Scrambled for and divided to her disfavour.

Taken into slavery and abandoned between the Islands.

O Africa! A question in the land and seas!…

Definitely, Njoku’s poem articulates correctly the vicissitudes of the African predicament.

Brendan Amadi

My Reflective thought on Masturbation By Brendan Amadi

Masturbation is unhealthy and is a mayhem to one's sexuality. In my own perspective it falls under the conspiracy theory of Human sexuality because it is falsified and it is a faked sex. It is  psychologically harmful or pathological and it is highly correlated with

psychological projection , paranoia and

Machiavellianism. It is good you cut it off if you involve in it because it is an evil and a bad habit that trends and can easily get to a chronic level. At this stage one becomes a chronic masturbator and it is not nice for human growth and development and humanity. Is not just a sin against God but a sin against the self and humanity. A critical study on *Sigmund Freud's Personality development* where he explored on three main thesis Psycho- Sexual development, psycho Therapy and Psycho- Analysis...In his Psycho sexual development & Analysis there is a practice  I emphasized on, called *Energy channeling* .... In this aspect, I try to draw some points with people who gain pleasure watching pornography, Masturbating or body caressing etc and how they can handle it. When you have formed the habit of watching pornography on regular bases you will fall into this dirty pit of masturbation because the adrenalin and steady functional hormones of the body system are aroused already by this act and it looks for a way it can discard it's energy and this leads the individual into masturbation. Try and practice this *Energy channeling* by engaging in some exercises, indoor games & outdoor games to help you grow positively & in maturity. Practice energy channeling. On the side of the ladies, masturbation is more dangerous because it leads to sexual frustration. 50% of broken homes today falls under this . Always be bold to let know your sexual difficulties and seek a solution for it, No body knows it all and no one is perfect. Finally, take it or leave it; God is the supreme and the final bus-stop. As you engage in this struggle always seek God's intervention cum divine providence and also practice ejaculatory prayers ..As far as human life is in existence we undergo a continuous battle with our sexuality and otherwise.

Nonso Amadi
Human Right Activist

THE ROLE OF THE CHURCH IN THE FIGHT AGAINST TERRORISM By NONSO AMADI

Introductory Remark

There is no generally agreed definition of terrorism. The Terrorism Act 2000 defines it as the use or threat of action involving serious violence, damage or danger to life and health…in order to influence government or intimidate the public in a political, religious or ideological cause. The aphorism that “one person’s terrorist is another person’s freedom fighter” relates more to the justification or exculpation of particular campaigns than to the character of the phenomenon itself. It does however signal that the political dimension of terrorism makes it impossible to assimilate it totally either to war or to crime (with both of which it has considerable affinities). This has implications for the means used to combat it.

The Church and Terrorism: Matters Arising

The phrase 'war on terror' misleads us from the first. It implies that combating terrorism is primarily a military matter. Nothing could be further from the truth. Studies of post-Second World War liberation movements show that when an armed group had the support of the constituency in whose name they claimed to act, they eventually won the political battle. If they didn't, they lost.

The purpose of the armed struggle was to stay in existence long enough, being enough of a nuisance, until the political goals were achieved. That depended crucially on the support of the wider constituency. So, in the current crisis, what matters above all are the relationships between communities? And here, I believe, the churches have a key role.

In a society perceived to be highly secular, the Muslim community looks to the churches as allies in at least understanding what it is to have a religious view of life. Good relationships with church leaders in some northern cities helped to dispel the worst of the rioting yeas back. In Oxford in recent months, there have been two powerful acts of communal solidarity. A long procession, white balloons floating above, walked from the synagogue to the major worship center, the University Church, with prayers and readings from the scripture. In communities where there is this kind of expression of basic human, inter-religious solidarity, there will be no support for wielders of indiscriminate violence.

Next to the priority of winning hearts and minds is good intelligence. Then, appropriate force will be necessary on some occasions. The Christian 'Just War' tradition (again a terribly misleading phrase) has often been misused or is regarded as inapplicable to modern conditions of warfare. Lately, however, it has received vindication. The recent report by the High Level Panel on Threats, Challenges and Change set up by the UN Secretary General - 'A More Secure World: Our Shared Responsibility' - framed its discussions on collective security and the use of force in terms that are virtually identical to the Just War tradition. Wars of intervention, for example, must take into account five basic criterions of legitimacy: the seriousness of the threat, proper purpose, last resort, proportional means and balance of consequences.

 Most exponents of the Just War tradition, while they supported the 1991 Gulf War, believe that the military action in 2003 failed almost all these grounds - at least at that time. That tradition does not solve the political and military dilemmas with which we are constantly faced but it does provide an indispensable source of wisdom.

The CBCN and the sanctity of human life

The Government and people of Nigeria have been called upon not to compromise the integrity, cultural and social morals of the country for financial aid and security from international friends of the developed countries of the world.

The call was made by the Catholic Bishops of the Ibadan Ecclesiastical Province in the communiqué issued at the end of their meeting held at the Pope John Paul II Pastoral Centre, Ado-Ekiti; Ekiti State, August 11 – 12, 2014. The communiqué was signed by Archbishop Gabriel ‘Leke Abegunrin of Ibadan and Felix Ajakaye, of Ekiti; president and Secretary of the Provincial Conference, respectively.

While noting that the government has done a lot to cope with the challenges facing the country, they remarked that there is need for more pro-active responses to the serious political and socio-economic problems still facing the country. The bishops reiterated the need for the country to remain a united  nation is spite of the challenges and the call by some people for its division.

They said: “While identifying with the concerns that have brought such people to this pass, we reiterate that Nigeria is better off united than divided. We plead with those who are in position to act to work for the unity of Nigeria for unity is strength. This must be based on the principles of human rights, justice and respect for the rule of law.”

 The bishops added: “We are painfully aware of the effort of some of Nigeria’s international friends to compel our country to compromise moral values in return for security aid. Our country surely needs support in the fight against terrorism but we plead that such requests to compromise our cultural and moral standards be resisted and rejected as immoral and unethical. A people denuded of its moral values is a people on the death row.”

 Pointing out that the country is at crossroads, the bishops reiterated the need for prayer for the nation and called on the faithful of the province to join in the six months National Prayer directed by the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of Nigeria (CBCN); culminating with a National Rosary Prayer Pilgrimage and Vigil, scheduled for Abuja, November 13 -14, 2014.

 The bishops also spoke on Pro-Life and the Family Apostolate stressing: “. The family today is under great pressure especially from those who vigorously promote the Culture of Death. We reiterate the Church’s teaching on the sanctity of human life from conception to natural death and at every moment in-between. We also assert that to be pro-life is to be pro-Christ and call on all to support efforts to protect human life and the family.”

 Evaluation and conclusion

Religious communities must stand united in solidarity and show extremists that they will never succeed in dividing them. As Christians, we should strongly condemne the cowardly attacks against peaceful worshippers and stand in peaceful union all over the world.

An attack on any place of worship is an attack on all places of worship. An attack on any faith community is an attack on all faith communities.

Terrorism and extremism do not represent any faith nor any community. They only represent wickedness and hatred. These two evils are enemies of all humanity. Those behind the attacks are enemies of humanity.”

Click Nonso Amadi 

The Dangers of the Crowd

The Dangers of the Crowd
Onuh Justus Izuchukwu
(Izunwaonu)

It was around one o'clock in the afternoon of 24th December, 2005, at Eke-Ozi market place. The sun was hot, but that never failed to empty the upper market place and chase people into the shade. I glanced around the bustle of people filling the market, then held my mother’s hand firmly knowing that if I were to be lost in such crowd, I would not find my way out.

It was a busy market where people had no time for other people and that gave a festive feeling to the proximity of Christmas. There were many different kinds of shops and stalls in the market: tailors, copper smiths, carpet shops, pottery stores, et cetera. As we entered into one of the shops to buy cloths, I looked out and saw where toys were been sold. I proceeded to observe the toys closely without my mother’s prior knowledge.  After observing those fancy toys for some minutes, I could not locate where my mum was. Moving around, it was real awkward, feeling strange, not knowing where I was going. I stood there like a statue for an interminable time, my arms getting heavier and heavier, my legs growing weaker and weaker, not knowing what I was going to do or how to get out of the situation. Like someone learning how to find a note in sight reading, I moved my eyes first, then my head. I started moving my legs without knowing where they were going. I was moving forward with fear not knowing what was ahead of me. I was like a boat being paddled by a sailor to an unknown destination. After taking some distance, I discovered that some people were going towards the direction I was coming from. I started walking down the long busy market street wondering why I was there. Glancing around, I joined other groups walking up without knowing where they were coming from or where they were going to.

Few minutes later, I needed to catch my breath and take a look at where I was actually going. I started to hear muffled voices somewhere in the distance, beeping and familiar voices. I tried to identify the number of voice, but could not. Then there was a voice that came behind me, I turned behind suddenly. I recognized the voice, but could bring up no memories to substantiate it. It was a female voice that came from the crowd, a voice that thundered from the noisy crowd around. I looked and noticed she was my Mum and she was struggling through the crowd to come over to me. “Izu!” She called and hurried to meet me. “Where have you been? She asked and then held my hand again.

On another day, Tuesday, 16th June, 2009, around ten or eleven in the night when I had rounded off my studies, I walked up to my room to sleep. Immediately I closed my eyes, I began to hear my friends calling me from outside the fence. I opened my eyes in the thought that their voice was coming from inside my room. I listened carefully but did not hear anything again. Then, I laid back to sleep. As though it was in my dream, they began blowing the signal whistle and making sure that no one understood the language except those who have known it in the past. I tiptoed toward the gate. “What if the gate was locked?” I asked myself even though I was the one who locked the gate that night. The thought slowed my steps but I was still determined not to give up. I looked back and listened, but it seemed as no one paid attention to me, and I was able to stroll down to the main gate undetected. I stopped at the entrance gate just inside the fence. I tiptoed up to the main gate, turned sideways, and slipped through the black iron bars. I was still searching for where my friends were hiding, with my back to the door-way, when I heard a soft and familiar voice behind me. It was startling and more than frightening. I listened carefully; I recognized my Mum's voice! The unintelligible sound of the woman whispered, “Izu! Izu!! Izu!!! How many times have I called you? Where are all of you going by this time?” I looked serious and I thought about lying and then changed my mind because I never knew where we were going. Her voice could be heard as though the listener were surrounded by men and animals at a market where everything was making noise and people could not hear each other. The noise was actually coming from my head, and there, sharp screams, digging into my brain. I hunched over, pressing my ears to my head, trying to drive the sound away. Then I lifted my head high and opened my mouth to tell my Mum that I was sorry, but she had already gone inside.

These two experiences have shown me that we are always moving in one direction or another. Our life is like a roadmap; a judicious adherence to the directions will definitely launch us to our destination. My mother’s familiar voice became the direction that took me out of the crowd. While finding the direction, I discovered that we walked backwards into the future, with our minds anchored by the imprinted lessons of the past. In this book, the idea is a lamentation and experiences which can help everyone especially the youth in changing the direction of their lives because our evolution depends on our continued movements in positive direction. Even if there are many directions, this book provides the guidelines that could help us in making decision. Decision making is an integral aspect of the existence of human beings in the society. It has helped to make human existence less complicated. Every now and then, human being are faced with diverse conflicting situations requiring them to make one decision or the other. I pray that this book becomes a right tool that will help us make timely and necessary decision as we journey through a complex world, full of turmoil, where only thing which is certain is uncertainty.

Izuchukwu Onuh

03.55am, 29.06.2019

Solemnity of SS Peter and Paul

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  or call +2348138390681

Facebook, The Dangers of the Crowd

The True Love

I was heading to school that morning when the caretaker summoned me.

“Ugo,” he beckoned as he headed towards his car. “Is your father in?”

I shook my head. My father had rushed down to the mechanic workshop to attend to a customer who had been waiting for him.

“What about your mother?” he probed further. “Is she in?”

Again, I shook my head in negation. The caretaker was a very handsome tall man. I used to think that he was probably chosen as the caretaker of the house because of his intimidating height or handsomeness. He was far more handsome than the rest of the men in the compound.

He opened the bonnet of his car and as I walked past him, he beckoned to me again. This time, he whispered in a voice that could hardly be heard by himself.

“Is your sister Ijeoma at home or has she gone to school.”

I told him that Ijeoma was in the room. He smiled and went into his car.

“Come,” he passed a brown envelop to me. “Give it to her and tell her to call me.”

As I walked out of his sight, he called me back. “Take this and use it in school.”

He passed me a neat two hundred naira note. I felt like a king as he said I should use the money in school. No one had ever given me such huge amount of money before.

“Thank you sir,” I said and dashed off like a chased animal.

Ijeoma was getting dressed. She had worn her uniform and was applying lip gloss on her lips. I wondered why she had always taken time whenever she was getting dressed for school.

Her uniform fitted her like a second skin. It was neat and well ironed unlike mine which had rumpled here and there.

You might not know but Ijeoma was a sister I have always been very proud of. She was the third child of the family. My parents had just four of us. Emeka, who had gone to learn a trade, was the eldest. Ada came next. After Ada, Ijeoma followed and lastly, I came from behind. Ada got married a year after she wrote her secondary school exams with the husband promising to let her further her education after the marriage. According to my mother after Ada had her second child; “Ada’s education has entered voice mail.” I wondered what that meant.

As Ijeoma powdered her face, I handed her the brown envelop which the caretaker had given me to give to her.

“Who?” she eyed me rather inquisitively. “Is it from Innocent?”

I wondered why she felt very comfortable referring to the caretaker as ‘Innocent’. That very huge man! Ijeoma had only turned sixteen a few months before. How could she call a man with that intimidating height by his name?

“You don’t fear again o,” I challenged looking around as if to be sure the caretaker wasn’t close by and hadn’t heard his name being mentioned.

“Is he the one that gave you the envelop?” she asked again and cocked her head. I nodded and she made a face before throwing the envelop into her school bag. When she had done so, she waved me off immediately.

That was the first pointer that made me sense that my sister and the caretaker were having an affair. I began to imagine what the two of them could be talking about with the age difference between them. He was about thirty two years old and my sister was just half his age. Was she crazy?

These thoughts always filled my head.

One Sunday, Ijeoma took ill. My mother had gone to the bush market and my father went to his town’s meeting.

He left a hundred naira note on the table and told my sister casually to buy Paracetamol with it.

“Buy Paracetamol and take two tablets. Keep the change for me okay. Ndo.”

My sister was shivering on the bed when he left. I went to meet her and touched her head. It was smouldering hot.

“Have you eaten anything at all?” I asked feeling very concerned.

Her teeth made a chattering sound as she tried to respond to the question.

I took the money my father had left on the table and went out to get her the Paracetamol.

I was already at the gate when I saw the caretaker trying to park.

“Where are you going Ugo?” he asked. He must have sensed from the look in my face that something was probably wrong. I told him that I was going to buy Paracetamol for Ijeoma.

I could see the naked horror spread on his face the moment I told him about her.

“Go and fetch her at once and let me take her to the hospital. She can’t be taking Paracetamol. No, it is not proper please.”

He immediately grabbed his phone and began to call a doctor friend of his. I simply slipped back into the room and told Ijeoma what the caretaker had told me.

“Is he outside?” she echoed.

“Yes,” I replied, “please get up and let’s go to him. He is out there waiting. I could hear him making a call already to a doctor.”

Ijeoma managed to get up and we both headed to meet him. Soon, we were on our way to the clinic. A test was carried out on my sister and drugs were given to her. The caretaker paid the bills and drove us back to house.

That was the second time I sensed clearly that the two had something going on between them.

Although they were meeting secretly, my parents were completely in the dark. I still don’t know why I did not tell them about it.

The months swept by smoothly and the day Ijeoma wrote her final exam in secondary school, my father shocked us all. He came with an old man about his age whose daughter was a year ahead of Ijeoma in school and broke the news we were not prepared to hear to all of us.

“Nwokedi lost his wife last two years and since then, he has been lonely. He is my very good friend. We started the engine oil business together years ago. He is a very good man and also very comfortable. He has come to marry Ijeoma.”

As the words fell out of my father’s mouth, I felt like knifing him in the stomach. How could he dare say a thing like that?

My mother was the first to speak after my father had already spoken. “Papa Emeka, you are not the one to speak for Papa Ebere. He has been a family friend and we cannot deny him anything in this house because he is not new to us.”

The suitor smiled and my anger amplified when I saw that he had lost two front teeth. What was my father thinking? How could he just ruin the life of my sister just like that?

The man spoke about how he was going to make my sister’s life a paradise on earth and how his grown up children had advised him to quickly seek a wife that would be a helper to him so as to “elongate his life.”

My father was grinning from ear to ear and praising my sister. He bragged about her cooking prowess and about how very intelligent she had been in school.

“You have found yourself a perfect partner that will make you the happiest person on earth.” He said laughing like a clown to his own dry joke.

The old suitor gave my father the sum of one hundred thousand naira and gave my mother half the amount.

“You know me Ignatius that I am a man of my word. There is a lot more where this money is coming from. If you don’t disappoint me, rest assured that more of this will flow.” The man bragged.

My father and mother followed him to his car which was parked outside. It was a Mercedes Benz 230. I could hear my father joking that the car and the owner had been the best of friends who had been together for decades and they all guffawed.

Ijeoma was in the kitchen crying. My heart bled when I walked in and saw her on a stool crying. Her eyes were red as ember. Never before had I seen her in such a terrible condition.

“Stop crying,” I mumbled dryly. It pained me to know that I had nothing tangibly soothing to say to her.

“Is this what they wish for me; to tie me down with a man old enough to be my father? Don’t they even consider the fact that I could have my own dreams? This is exactly what they did to Ada. They are replicating the same thing in my life..”

She went on sobbing uncontrollably. Grief hung in my throat as I watched her cry. She was going to be eighteen in five days. I remembered I had told her that she was still a minor days before and she had grown wild with indignation.

Suddenly, like a flash, the thought of the caretaker crossed my mind. Perhaps he could be of help.

I quickly stormed out of the house to meet him. He was watching football on his large television screen when I came in.

“Ugo,” he sprang up immediately he saw me. “What happened?”

I told him swiftly what had happened that night and that Ijeoma was at home crying. I could see in his eyes that he was not happy to hear what I had told him.

“What do you think we should do?” he asked and I told him that I was confused.

He bowed his head and hesitated for a second. When he looked at me again, there were tears running down his cheeks.

“I am sorry. I really like your sister so much and wish I could marry her but I have a problem which I told her earlier. I am HIV positive. I have just a few years to live. I wish a cure would be found but it hasn’t. Your sister is still a virgin and I have always advised her to stay chaste until she graduates from the university. She is a very brilliant girl. I am not happy that your parents are doing this to her.”

It was my turn now to shed the tears as I listened to him. How could he be HIV positive? No, no, no! He was simply a rare gem for not taking advantage of my sister. I thanked him exceedingly that night and begged him to help Ijeoma in any way he could.

I still thank God to this day that I took that move. Uncle Innocent came with wine to ask for my sister’s hand in marriage days after. He gave my parent three times the amount that the old suitor had given them and they immediately began to sing a new song. He told my parents that he would wait until he had seen Ijeoma through her education before taking her in.

My sister left Nigeria that same year. She left for Ukraine where she studied to become a nurse. Uncle Innocent spent quite a lot of money sending her there. Unfortunately, he died the year she graduated. No one except my sister and I knew what killed him. Ijeoma will be coming home with her German husband-to-be this Easter. She promised to visit Uncle Innocent’s village to pay tribute to his people because according to her; “Such men are very rare in our clime.”

As for me, I have learnt the true meaning of  love

Discover the Seed in you. Do not miss the opportunity.

 
 
Emmanuel Okafor